Lame pun, huh? Well it isn't a pun. In fact, it's exactly how I felt in January: jaded. Physically, mentally, and emotionally (in that order).
Let's start at the beginning. For the first week or two, I was pretty sick. I think it was a sinus infection or postnasaldrep (sorry, can't spell that to save my life) or something like that. I was so sick that I often felt dizzy and shaky. I also got thinner, which is okay unless you're like me and you've been advised to actually gain weight.*
That was the physically draining part; next came my mental health. As I recovered from all this, I began getting involved in a few conflicts with friends. Even though they weren't directly involving me, I still found myself in the middle of things. It seems like it all started because of something I did. People would swear to me that it wasn't my fault; good luck making me believe that. I learned a lot about people close to me, more than I needed to know. Somehow I didn't lose any friends, though, which kept me feeling vindicated, like I didn't do anything wrong.
So by the end of the month, I was feeling very cynical. Every little thing pissed me off to the point where I just wanted to scream and kick and punch and throw everything in sight. I was about ready to give up on everything. Nothing made me happy anymore. I simply did not care anymore.
February was so good to me, though. Soon enough, I found myself smiling more. I even found reasons to smile, not just because someone told me I should.**
I've been able to tolerate more physically and emotionally. I'm not always worn out and tired. I've been working out more and, thanks to my mom's dumbbells and my aerobics, I actually have muscle as opposed to skeleton arms. Also, I found myself getting less annoyed; I could never stay mad at a person for more than a day or two.
I had an epiphany one day: Yes, a lot has happened to me. I can let that define me, or I can rise above it and make myself known for more than just my mistakes.
*I've since gained pretty much all of the weight back, but it wasn't like I lost 20 pounds or something.
**People tell me I need to smile more; I always say to myself, "Give me a reason."
Friday, March 19, 2010
Most Impatient Person Award
That award should be given to me. I absolutely hate waiting. It's almost unfair how impatient I am. For example, I'm currently annoyed that my boyfriend is taking over an hour and a half to text me back, but one time I didn't get back to him for over two hours and he didn't mind at all. Usually when he takes a while to get back to me it's because he's doing something important for school or with his family and I make myself look like a bitch. =/
The other day, the senior class at my school went on a retreat. In one of the activities, we had to wear a blindfold while 5 students walked around and tapped our heads if we showed whatever quality/trait/characteristic a teacher called out. One person said I was patient. I have no idea who said this, but I would like to know just so I could go up to this person and say, "You are sorely mistaken."
Those close to me agree I'm not the most patient person. I have a short attention span (in my opinion), I can't sit still, I can't wait for practically two seconds, and I have the temper of a middle-aged man with three kids (i.e. my father).
Allow me to get a little religious with this. January was not a good month for me.* Like I said, I was feeling cynical and hopeless. I was about ready to give up on life. See, I've been spoiled my whole life, including with God's grace; there have been times where I would pray to God to help me through whatever situation I was in and the next day, everything was okay. But now I was getting impatient. I said several times that I gave up and I was sick of waiting. I was giving up hope that God would get me out of this any time soon.
However, I soon did get out of that mess I was in. I was so much happier and had renewed faith in God. Sometimes now I wonder why I ever doubted Him in the first place.
Which brings me back to my impatience. My being so spoiled my whole life made me unable to handle hard situations. The whole month was a learning experience for me. I realized that there will be tough times for me to go through and I'll have to get used to it. And I must always keep in mind that God is looking out for me.
*My next post should explain this.
The other day, the senior class at my school went on a retreat. In one of the activities, we had to wear a blindfold while 5 students walked around and tapped our heads if we showed whatever quality/trait/characteristic a teacher called out. One person said I was patient. I have no idea who said this, but I would like to know just so I could go up to this person and say, "You are sorely mistaken."
Those close to me agree I'm not the most patient person. I have a short attention span (in my opinion), I can't sit still, I can't wait for practically two seconds, and I have the temper of a middle-aged man with three kids (i.e. my father).
Allow me to get a little religious with this. January was not a good month for me.* Like I said, I was feeling cynical and hopeless. I was about ready to give up on life. See, I've been spoiled my whole life, including with God's grace; there have been times where I would pray to God to help me through whatever situation I was in and the next day, everything was okay. But now I was getting impatient. I said several times that I gave up and I was sick of waiting. I was giving up hope that God would get me out of this any time soon.
However, I soon did get out of that mess I was in. I was so much happier and had renewed faith in God. Sometimes now I wonder why I ever doubted Him in the first place.
Which brings me back to my impatience. My being so spoiled my whole life made me unable to handle hard situations. The whole month was a learning experience for me. I realized that there will be tough times for me to go through and I'll have to get used to it. And I must always keep in mind that God is looking out for me.
*My next post should explain this.
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