Happy Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone! I thought I'd share with you 40 things I am thankful for.

I'll start with the obvious ones...

1. Family (including step-families)

2. Friends

3. God

Now on with the rest...

4. My home

5. My baby sister (even if she's part of family, she still counts as a separate one)

6. Hot showers

7. An education (whether or not it's a good one is totally up to you)

8. Technology

9. Opportunities to express my creativity

10. Music

11. Diversity and the fact that some people embrace it

12. Those people I have in my life that I hardly deserve to have there

13. Water

14. Food

15. Scholarships, jobs, etc.; anything that has to do with making money

16. Slippers

17. Gloves

18. My bed

19. My boyfriend

20. Doctors & medicine (including over-the-counter stuff like Ibuprofen and Midol)

21. Literature

22. Video games

23. Cars

24. Being born in America (as opposed to a third-world country)

25. Anyone that has been there for me when I really needed it

26. My church youth group and everyone I've met there

27. My mental health and the fact that I'm not seriously messed up in the head

28. Everyone who fights to keep us all safe (military, cops, firemen, etc.)

29. Teachers

30. Words of wisdom, especially the ones I've received the past two or so years

31. Dreams

32. Holidays

33. The fact that my cousins and I all love each other even if all our aunts and uncles hate each other

34. Make-up (not to sound vain or anything)

35. Comedians/Satire
36. Movies
37. Being alive for the past 17 years, 4 months, and 11 days
38. The air I breathe
39. Nature and all its beauty
40. All the little things that keep me going

We're not the only racists

So the promotional poster for "The Couples Retreat" starring Vince Vaughn is causing some controversey. This is because the UK version omitted two black actors from their poster; the US version still shows the actors.

A Universal spokesman said the poster aimed "to simplify the poster to actors who are most [recognizable] in international markets."

Or, as some people would say, to make sure there are no blacks.

But, to be fair, Universal regretted any offense it caused and scrapped all plans of using the modified poster in other overseas markets.

It's true, the two actors are not as 'famous' as the other actors. However, this is not the first time this has happened. The New York Times said in 2007 that American films with black stars typically struggle in the overseas market.

I'm not saying racism is going to die just because Obama is president and people are afraid of being politically incorrect. My point is the marketers of this movie should have been more fair to the other actors, regardless of race, fame, etc.

http://movies.yahoo.com/feature/movie-talk-couples-retreat-posters.html

Gaining Weight in my Head

I've noticed I have different reactions to all my dreams. Sometimes, I'll just open my eyes and go right back to sleep. Other times, I might wake up and gasp for breath, or I might start sweating, or I might even have a hard time falling asleep because the image keeps coming back in my mind.
But last night was very weird and I wanted to share the experience.
Let me give you a back story first (fake names, though). So my friend, Tyler, has very hostile feelings toward someone I know, Stephanie. She keeps trying to get him serious trouble because I guess she has some sort of vendetta against him or something because she thinks he got all these people against her.
So in my dream last night, Tyler was sitting down and was in a verbal confrontation with Stephanie. They soon had their hands on each other like a fight was about to start. Tyler was now up out of his chair and was getting physical with her (no beating or anything). Finally I pulled her away from him. Tyler sat back down and buried his face in his hands. He stayed this way for 'hours' (even though it was a dream, I know it was hours).
So I woke up from that feeling dizzy, but that's normal. But my head felt really heavy, like there was about 10 lbs. of weight in my head. This was a phenomenon I've never felt before.
I told Tyler about this and he told me how 'accurate' the dream itself was. He said my head might have felt heavy because it really bothered me. The situation between him and Stephanie never made me feel like I was in the middle or anything, so I guess I was bothered by either Tyler feeling ashamed of himself or how he would try to physically hurt her (not that I'm good friends with her or anything).
Usually, my dreams teach me something new. Honestly, though, I didn't learn anything I didn't know already: the whole Tyler vs. Stephanie thing bugs me, I'm afraid it'll get out of hand, and I hate seeing Tyler get so upset at himself. However, I did learn I wake up to dreams differently (which I guess is interesting to me).

Sometimes, We Know Better

Last night I received an e-mail from a friend of mine. It was sort of a chain letter a friend of hers started to have people pray for her brother, who has Neuroblastoma Cancer. I'll be honest, I have no idea what that is and I haven't lost someone to cancer since 2004.

I do not personally know this kid, and neither does my friend that sent me the e-mail (one of those person-who-knows-a-person situations), but she does know someone who died from that kind of cancer. She really wanted me to at least send the e-mail to someone.

I really don't know anyone who would care about this. Most of my contacts would probably say, "We have problems of our own, why should we care about this stranger?" However, I would feel selfish if I didn't send it to someone, whether I truly cared or not.

So I thought to myself, "Who would honestly care for this kid? I know I wouldn't." So I sent the e-mail to my pastor. I know what you're thinking: "Well, duh, simple solution." I've known this pastor for a while and knew he had a huge heart, much huger than mine. I still prayed for him, but knew my heart wasn't fully in it since I didn't know him. With my pastor, he doesn't have to know who he is praying for. That's the reason I sent it to him: He is far less selfish than I am.

So what have we learned today, kids?
A. I'm too hard on myself
B. It's nice to know there are people out there that are geniunely kind and caring towards others. Maybe I can learn a thing or two from them.

Editing

I thought I'd start your school week (unless you had school on Columbus Day) with some editing techniques in case you want to improve what you write.

One of my teachers said you could write your essay/story/whatever else you may write, and then wait a few days and read what you wrote. This way, you're not just briefly looking over the words; you actually look over everything you wrote. In fact, that's how I edited this post; seems to work very well for me.

Another thing: A few times, I save what I write, but I can't copy and paste, so I'm stuck writing the whole thing over again. When this happens, though, I see a few ways I can revise what I write. Obviously, though, it's kind of a pain in the neck to write the whole thing over again...

Wrote a new monologue

I had this saved on my computer, but they won't let me paste it, so I had to write it all over again. Oh well.

Remember that night two years ago? The party, everyone was having a great time, one thing led to another... Yeah, you remember. Well, so does everyone else. It's been two years, and people are still talking about it! Everybody seems to forget how you slipped something in my drink, so now everyone is still calling me a slut. But you don't care. You don't have to put up with this crap anymore. You graduated. You're done. You're gone. You never have to think about this again. I do! Every day, someone has something to say about it. But nobody knows what really happened. My own mother doesn't even know what really happened. But no one asks me, not even her. Everyone just assumes I let you do this to me. The whole thing didn't mean shit to you. [Exaggerate each word.] Don't make me laugh. You have no idea how badly you screwed me over. Thanks a lot, jackass.

I thought this was worth sharing

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mWVBZMq00kc&feature=response_watch

Manners

Have you noticed how many people have been losing their temper lately? Could this mean our etiquette is going downhill?
Serena Williams threatened a line judge for a call on a foot fault she made in a tennis match. She may have to pay a $250,000 fine for her "aggravated behavior" in which she made profane remarks to said line judge. I know most athletes are known to have a temper, but some things are just uncalled for.
Of course, there is Kanye West. Unless you've been living under a rock for the past week or so, you would know that when Taylor Swfit went onstage at the VMA's and started giving her acceptance speech for You Belong With Me, Kanye bolted onstage, took the microphone out of her hand, and proclaimed, "Beyonce had one of the greatest videos [Single Ladies] of all-time!" That was beyond rude and hurtful toward Taylor.
I will clarify that I am not a big fan of Taylor Swift, Beyonce, or Kanye West, but I did gain some respect for the two women...I still think Kanye is a douche.
Hey, it's not like I called him a jackass, like Obama did. Yes, Obama called Kanye a 'jackass' for what Kanye did. In his defense (though I'm not an Obama supporter), the interview wasn't like a national TV interview. Besides, I think it's about time the president curse, especially if he's running the country at a time like this.
Celebrities are human, too. They have their faults like we do. But it's not just celebrities' manners that get me going.
Last Sunday, I was driving home from a festival, and my dad in the passenger seat had more road rage than I ever have. Earlier today, I saw a girl my own age licking food off her fingers. In the past 5 days, I've heard racism toward every group imaginable (blacks, browns, orientals, foreigners, etc.). I can't count all the times I've been interrupted in the past 24 hours.
Road rage. Tempers flaring. Racism. Interruptions. Lack of table manners. Failure to watch our language. Is this what our country has come to?

This is Why I Love Dreams

So I've been thinking about college lately. I want to go straight to university; I have a 28 ACT score, so that should help. My parents are all split on this: my mom says I can get into 4-year and thinks that's a good idea, my stepdad thinks I can only get in 4-year if I get a pretty hefty scholarship, my dad would really like it if I went to community college first.

I can't tell you how many times I've said, "I give up on this." Sometimes I won't want to go to college, sometimes I'll think about going to 2-year first (if I do, you might as well write "Failure" on my forehead; I've worked too damn hard to start at 2-year). One night I said, "My stepdad wins, I'm going to 2-year, I don't care anymore." That night, I had a dream that reminded me why I wanted to go away for college:

I was in my room hanging out with two of my friends when my stepdad starts scolding me for something as I try to defend myself (scolding; I tell you, this man never yells at anyone, I love that about him). I go downstairs to help my mom with something. Her back is turned to me like she is under a lot of stress; it looked like she was decorating for a party or something. She yelled at me to leave, so I went back upstairs. My stepdad is still scolding me and I turn to my friends to back me up, but they're on his side (sorry, I wish I could remember what is was about).

Now I remember why I wanted to leave; I felt under stress and misunderstood at home, I felt like no one (or very few) could help me, my stepdad criticizes whatever I do, my mom screams at me and takes it out on me whenever she is under stress (I love my mom and I respect my stepdad, don't get me wrong), I want to meet more people and not see the same people I've seen for years.

I really hope this works out for the best in the long run. Damn recession...

Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson

We've lost two iconic people today: Farrah Fawcett and Michael (not Micheal, learn to spell) Jackson. Farrah, we kind of saw coming; Michael was out of nowhere.
Farrah's story has been praised for her courage, her strength, and the legacy she left behind. She will surely be missed.
Moving onto something I'm more familiar with: Michael Jackson. Obviously, his death has mixed reactions. Some will miss his music and will keep his legacy going. Then you have all the people that focus on his recent misfortunes (molestation, parenting, going white due to some skin condition even though most people assume it was on purpose, etc.). Whether you focus on the 80's, 90's, or now, cut him some slack; yeah, he may or may not have molested some kids but, you have to admit, his music was inspirational and touched people. His music is some of which we will never forget.
Besides, people like Elvis, Farley, and Belushi weren't exactly saints, and we still love their work. Think about the work they've left us with, not their personal troubles.
Right now (and I've said this before), let's show some respect for the dead.

Do you ever think God is ashamed of what he created?

I asked this question on Yahoo! Answers. I received some very interesting answers, but these are some of my favorite responses:

-No, because HE created it.
Wisdom Chapter 11
24
For you love all things that are and loathe nothing that you have made; for what you hated, you would not have fashioned.
25
And how could a thing remain, unless you willed it; or be preserved, had it not been called forth by you?

-Nope. It's all part of a big plan unfolding and coming to its fulfillment real soon on a planet near you

-(This guy says he doesn't believe in Heaven, but says this) can't be that ashamed. why they hell else would he even offer a heaven if he was?

-I am sure we disappoint Him many times with our behavior, and I know
we grieve Him when we are sinful, the Bible tells us that, but I don't
think He is ashamed, I think He always just loves us and hopes we
will change. The Bible says He is always waiting for those to come back
to Him, just as the prodigal son did in the New Testament. The Father
was thrilled that the wayward son came home, and that is how God
is when we behave sinfully.
May God bless you and keep you safe.

-I think he is disappointed sometimes with the choices that we make. If you think about things from his vantage point, I am sure you can understand how me may feel angry towards humans, because we screw so many things up.
But then, sometimes, people act out of love and altruism. Sometimes people conduct themselves with morality and strong ethics. When we help people and show them love, I am sure God smiles upon us.

-(Honestly, this wasn't exactly my favorite; I just thought it was sort of witty) Very. I can just see God now, looking at all the evangelists and fundies, and saying "what in the name of me was I thinking?"

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20090522171102AALKDwK

Family Bonding

"Let's go!" Mary called out to her family. "We gotta leave, like, now!"
There was pandemonium all throughout the house; girls trying to squeeze into their dresses, men putting on cologne, cameras being checked for batteries, make-up being stuffed into purses. Everybody was in a hurry.
17-year-old Jackie was running downstairs when she passed by her 12-year-old brother's bedroom. That's when their dad, Alfred, said sarcastically to Jackie, "I'm glad someone got everything off the bathroom floor."
"Jack said he'd do it," said Jackie.
"Well, if something's on the floor," Alfred explained, "someone needs to pick it up." He started downstairs.
"How is this my fault?!" Jackie exclaimed. She turned to her brother. "Jake, you said you were gonna do that."
"I'm a little busy here!" said Jack, buttoning his jacket.
"Just get the damn towels off the floor!" exclaimed 20-year-old George.
"I don't see you doing any-" said Jackie, who was then interrupted by their mother.
"Jackie, what did you do with my mascara?" Mary sounded rushed.
"Right here." Jackie took the mascara out of her purse and gave it to her mother.
"Thanks for giving it right back to me," Mary said sarcastically. "Glad to see everybody getting ready." She hurried downstairs.
Jackie gave up and cleaned the bathroom. George followed her into the bathroom and started straightening his tie. Once Jackie had everything off the bathroom floor, she said to George, "Happy?"
Alfred poked his head into the bathroom. "Jackie, get ready! We're gonna be late."
Jackie stood there with her mouth open. Once Alfred was down the hallway, Jackie and George looked at each other and rolled their eyes.
"Mary!" Alfred called out. "Where are my black socks?"
Mary entered the bedroom, struggling to put her earrings in. "I just washed them," she explained. "They should be in your top drawer."
"Well, they're not," said Alfred.
"Well, then, I don't know," said Mary. "Keep looking." She left the room. Obviously, finding her husband's socks were not one of her top priorities.
"Babe, I need my socks!" said Alfred. She continued downstairs. "Dammit," he muttered to himself.
Meanwhile, George found Jake on the living room couch. "Hey, Jake." Jake had headphones in his ears. "Jake!" He finally looked up. "Jake, I've been calling you for, like, five minutes."
"Well, I didn't hear you," said Jake as he rolled up his iPod. "What's up?"
"I need a tie," said George.
"You still have my old brown one, don't you?" said Jake.
"I gave it back to you," said George.
"No, you didn't."
"Yes, I did. I remember giving it back after the brunch."
"Then how come I don't have it?"
"I don't know, maybe you lost it."
"Maybe you lost it."
Mary was coming up from the basement and had black socks in her hand. She shot a glance at Jake and George. "George, get a tie on." She went into the kitchen and found Alfred. "Found em." She handed the socks to her husband.
"Finally. Thanks," said Alfred. He sat down on the couch next to George and Jake. Before putting his socks on, he asked George, "Need a tie, George?"
"Yeah," replied George. "You got one?"
"Yeah, take one out of the closet," said Alfred. George started for the staircase. "Just don't tear it again."
George turned back and started to say, "That wasn't even-"
"Are we all ready to go?" said Mary. She came downstairs holding a tie. "Here, George." She handed him the tie. "Where's Jackie?"
"Coming!" Jackie ran down the stairs in a light blue dress and white shoes.
Mary breathed a heavy sigh. "Jackie, I told you the black shoes."
"You said white," said Jackie.
"Why would I tell you to wear blue and white?" asked Mary.
"You told me to wear my white shoes," Jackie said firmly.
"Well, get your black shoes on," commanded Mary. "Alfred, start the car."
The boys all got up in relief as they headed for the front door. "Wait, let me get my wallet," said George.
He went upstairs and grabbed his wallet from on top of his dresser. On his way back down, he heard whimpering coming from Jackie's bedroom. He poked his head in to see her putting her black shoes on. "You alright?"
She looked up at him. "Everyone done screaming at each other?" she asked.
George snickered. "Yeah, I guess."
Jackie grabbed her purse and walked toward George. "Ready?"
"Ready when you are," replied George.
They all packed into the car and left for church.

Vessels of clay

If you've taken a Ceramics class in your high school, this may make more sense to you.

I'm not sure if you've heard this before, but we as God's children are a lot like clay in a potter's hands. The potter shapes us in an individual way; no two vessels can be completely alike; as people immediately see us on the outside, God immediately sees us on the inside, just as a potter instinctively sees the inside of his creation; God can still shape us in his way if we are pliable; once clay is hardened, it is not pliable, so if we are hard-hearted, we are not pliable, therefore God can no longer 'work' with us.

In a way, we are a lot like a vase made from said potter. Somebody said to me that if a vase has a glow stick inside it and the vase cracks, that light can be poured out to everyone. I don't agree with that. I've seen people so damaged from their past, they don't cast any light. In fact, they may turn away from people, or even show darkness to everyone. That is not to say there is no light in any people; everybody has light in them. I just don't agree with that one thing about how the cracks in us make it easier for us to show the light inside us; I think it's just the complete opposite.

The thing about greeting people

It's easy for me to feel awkward. I don't know, maybe I have asperger's or something. Really, though, some greetings aren't exactly my favorites. For example...

Hand-shaking
-It feels kind of forced, if you ask me. Plus, it's not the most comfortable gesture; well, to me, anyway. My hands are always cold; I feel like every time I shake someone's hand I have to apologize.
Peck
-I don't get why adults give each other a peck on the cheek. Eh, I wish I had more to say on this. Bottom line, I don't understand it.
Saying "good-bye"
-I hardly ever say good-bye. I usually say, "See ya later." Good-bye makes me feel like I'll never see that person again. Like most people, I hate saying good-bye. I'll say just "bye" every now and then, but "good-bye" seems too...final, you know?

However, some greetings are great:

Hugs
-I LOVE HUGS. End of story.
Hand shakes
-Yes, they seem (I don't want to say gay) childish, but that'd be quite fun to be involved in a 'secret handshake' between a friend and myself. Friendship bracelets, however, is where I draw the line; I'm too grown-up for that, sorry.
High-fives
-They're just awesome. I feel energized after one. It's funny when you miss, but a friend of mine told me that, if you just look at the other person's elbow, you'll never miss.

Loud and clear

I'm just so sick of people.
Everyone talking to you, you can tell when they don't mean it.
Just their smartass sarcastic tone.
You know they want you to say something stupid.
Every word that comes out of your mouth becomes their gossip.
You become a target.
Your words become darts.

At this point, I don't even know if people are actually talking about me.
Or if it's just all in my screwed-up head.
I've heard it too many times before.
It's almost like I expect people to be talking shit about me.

I'm so sick of the stares.
I'm so sick of the giggling.
I'm so sick of hearing my name.
I hate hearing my name.
For all I know,
That's me they're staring at.
That's me they're giggling at.
That's my name they're trying to whisper.

Let me tell you something,
I can hear you loud and clear.
But I also hear what other people have to say.
And, trust me, it is not good.

These people don't like you.
These people want to see you suffer.
These people have been giving you hell since the day they knew your name.
These people make you out to be a joke.
Way to go; you're just as bad as them.

Sweet dreams tonight.

Eh, I kinda didn't want to post this, but whatever

It's amazing how fortunate we are. Think of all the things we should be grateful for having: water, education, work (well, for most of us anyway), family, etc. We think, "Sure, anyone can have that, big deal." Well, it is a big deal. Yes, I'm one of those nuisances that will tell you how fortunate we are to have all these things and blah blah blah.
However, it's still not enough. If we're fortunate to have an IPod, we complain how it keeps breaking. If we're lucky enough to afford a decent education, we complain how boring and expensive it is and how our kids don't learn anything important. If we have food on our table, we complain if it turns out wrong. If we have running water, we complain if the hot water runs out and we have to wait another half hour to take a shower.
Geez, we have to stop whining! In our economy, it's nearly impossible to achieve some of these things.
Take this for example: About a year ago I was telling someone how I hardly ever see my dad and how much it bugs me. My friend told me, "I haven't seen my dad in, like, 6 months." Just that little tidbit of information made me think, "Wow, things could be much worse." I'm lucky to see my dad as much as I do now. I should never take those kinds of things for granted.

Charity Case

The block party was starting to bore a group of 9 teenagers, so they went in the alley and played dodge ball.

“Wait,” said Erick. “We still need Ashley.”

“She said she’d be here by now,” said Jen.

Just then, Ashley showed up. She had a bandage on her chin and a bruise on the right side of her face. There seemed to have been more make-up on than usual.

“What happened to you?” asked Anne.

“Oh, I was riding my bike and hit a tree,” Ashley shrugged. “No big deal.”

Rob lightly threw a dodge ball at her. "I suggest you quit staring at the ground and keep your eye on the ball," he joked.

Ashley, Jen, Rob, Allen, and Kristy were on one team. Anne, Dylan, Erick, Lizzie, and Jimmy were on the other team. As usual, the guys were the only ones really playing while the girls hung out in the back of their side. Once the guys were out, the girls would awkwardly try to hit each other until one of the guys finally called, “Jailbreak!”

In the third round, Erick aimed his ball at Allen. It bounced off Allen’s shoulder and hit the left side of Ashley’s face. Although it didn’t seem like a very bad hit, she looked like she was in a lot of pain; she nearly fell over.

Erick rushed over to her side.

“I’m so sorry,” he said. “Are you OK?”

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Ashley sighed. “It must’ve hit me where I hit the tree before.”

Erick stared at her until she’d look at him. “But that was on the other side, wasn’t it?”

Ashley hesitated. “Well, then, I’m a wimp,” she joked. “Don’t worry, I’m fine.” Erick looked at her like he didn’t believe her. “I’m fine, let’s keep going.”

As soon as Erick crossed back to his team, Allen hurled the ball at his back. Soon enough, Ashley was out, too. When she sat down, she pulled her hair back to fan out her neck. Her neck was red and purple.

“What happened?” asked Erick.

Ashley looked down and her mouth almost fell open. “Um, yeah, it…was a big tree.”

Erick shook his head. “Look at me.” She looked up. “There is no way a tree did that.” She looked down again. “Tell me what happened.” She shook her head. “Did someone hurt you?” She struggled to look him in the eye. “It wasn’t your mom, was it?”

Ashley almost looked offended. “No, of course not.”

“Oh, sorry,” Erick said quickly.

“Look, it’s nothing you need to worry about, alright?” Ashley assured him. “I’m fine.”

“No,” said Erick. “I want to know who hurt you.”

“It’s nothing.” Ashley exaggerated each word she said.

“It wasn’t your brother, was it?” Erick pressed on.

“No!” exclaimed Ashley. “God, just drop it.”

“Your dad?” Erick still asked.

“It’s none of your damn business, alright?” said Ashley.

Erick stared at her. “Your dad did this?” he exclaimed too loudly.

Jen was walking toward them when he said this and she stopped where she was. A couple others may have heard him, too.

Erick slunk in his chair. He looked at Ashley sheepishly. “That was too loud, wasn’t it?”

“No, why don’t you say it a little louder next time?” exclaimed Ashley. She got out of her chair and walked into their friend’s backyard.

While Jen tried to convince everyone Erick and Ashley were just arguing over something stupid, Erick followed Ashley.

“Hey, hey, hey,” he called out. He grabbed her shoulders to turn her around.

“Don’t touch me!” she said quietly, glaring at him.

“Look,” Erick started, “I’m really sorry if I said that too loud, but your dad? Really? What happened?”

“It’s nothing!” she shouted.

“Cut the crap, Ash,” Jen called out. “A guy hitting you, especially your dad, isn’t nothing,” she mocked her.

Ashley rolled her eyes. “I’m fine, OK?”

“No, you’re not,” said Jen.

“Yes, I am,” said Ashley. “Besides, it’s none of your God-damn business, alright?”

“Ashley!” exclaimed Jen.

“What?”

“You think you can go out looking like that without people being concerned?”

“What’s there to be concerned about?”

“Look at you!”

“I’m fine.”

“For the last time, Ashley, you’re not fine!” said Erick. “Look at you: You have bruises, you have cuts, you can’t look anyone in the eye. All that make-up you’re wearing can only hide so much. And of course we’re concerned. What do you want us to say? Sorry we give a crap about you?”

Ashley looked away from the two of them and tried to fight back the tears.

Jen finally said, “Ashley, you have to tell someone about this. Your mom, your teachers, anyone.” Jen hesitated. “Hey, my dad knows a psychiatrist you can ta-“

“Are you kidding?” Ashley finally looked at them. “I don’t need some shrink telling me how screwed up I am.”

“No, no, no,” Jen reassured her. “It’s not like tha-“

“Jen,” Erick interrupted her. “Ashley’s not a big fan of those.”

“Whatever,” said Jen. “You still have to tell your mom”

“Of course I told her,” said Ashley. “And, of course, she told the cops. But it doesn’t matter. We don’t even know where the hell my dad is. But we’re handling it, OK? Just quit worrying.” She looked at Erick. “I just don’t want you guys to worry about this.”

Erick looked down and nodded.

“Tell us what happened,” said Jen.

Ashley shook her head and started to cry. “It doesn’t matter. No one will ever understand.” She sank down onto the ground against the fence. “Do you guys have any idea what school has been like? People are starting rumors about what happened. Half of them aren’t even true. Every two seconds, someone asks me if I’m OK, as if they care. Everyone keeps asking what happened. I have people I’ve never seen before saying how sorry they are for me.” Ashley wiped her nose on her shirt. “See, this is why I don’t need a shrink.”

“Psychiatrist,” Jen corrected her. Both Ashley and Erick looked at her like she said the wrong thing. “Sorry.”

“Tell everyone I’m in the bathroom and I’ll be out in a minute,” said Ashley.

“Are you sure?” asked Jen. Ashley nodded. “OK.” Jen headed back toward the alley. “Coming, Erick?”

“Go ahead,” said Erick. “I’ll be right there.”

Erick sat down next to Ashley and wrapped his arm around her. “I’m so sorry,” he told her.

Ashley shook her head. “Don’t be. Please.” She hesitated and then shook her head. “You know, people like Jen, they’re the reason I don’t like telling people. Like, I’m not some charity case looking for pity. I’m just trying to, like, forget about it, you know?”

Erick shook his head. “It’s not that simple, you know.”

Ashley sighed and rolled her eyes. “Well, staying here all day won’t solve anything. Come on. Let’s go.”

Erick helped her up and they both went back to join their friends.

Content

Content- satisfied with what one is or has; not wanting more or anything else (source: dictionary.com)

So that is what feeling content is like. However, you can only feel that way for so long. Once you feel like everything is perfect, you start becoming more self-conscious of what could screw it all up. Take me, for example; once things go great and I finally feel content with the way things are going, something small happens that ruins it. Usually it wouldn't bother me, but that's when you over-think the smallest occurrences. Thanks to a domino effect, your feeling content goes away.

Honestly, though, who can really say their life is 100% OK? This is when we have to re-think our definition of 'content.' There may be bad things still happening, but everything else is still going good. So good, in fact, we don't want to let the small things get to us. Sure, we all have our problems. Really, though, we can at least try to overlook the small things and realize how precious life is.

If you think things are going bad, look at how worse things are. I know, that sounds like cliche bologna, but hear me out: I was walking home after a kind of bad day from school and passed an adult. It hit me: I'm only in high school. None of this will matter in the long run. Sure, it makes me more anxious to graduate, but at least I know that none of my problems will last forever. Don't ever say "If worse comes to worse." Rather, think "If best comes to best."

OK, enough cliches.

Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem

I'm still alive!

I haven't published a blog in, like, 3 weeks, wow! I hate using this excuse, but school has been keeping me busy. I'm trying to figure out what I want to do for college, but I'm still kind of clueless. Seriously, I change my mind everyday about what I want to do. I wish I had another year of high school just to explore more classes (I'm a junior right now).
My mom tells me I should start at a 2-year college, but I'm not happy with that at all. First off, I'd see myself as a failure. More importantly, however, I just want an excuse to move out! But I guess 2-year colleges are ideal for people who don't know what they want to do yet and you get your dumb classes out of the way...I'll still try my luck at universities. I should look into scholarships and financial aid that could help.
Money could be a problem, especially with the recession, my sister graduating middle school and having her Confirmation, my dad getting married (not sure when, I'm not excited about it in the least), and my mom having a baby next month.
It's not that my grades are bad. My GPA right now is (I think) 3.28, I get A's and B+'s, and the last practice ACT I took was a 24 (ACT test is April 4th, *cringe*). I've been told my grades are very good and I should have no problem getting into college. Still, I don't know where I want to go or what I want to do. I only know I want to minor in Communications. I want to major in something having to do with either Math or Computers. I could learn about banking (since I don't have the slightest idea what a bank does), but I'm positive I'll be bored out of my flipping mind if I do that.
My mom and stepdad want me to do something with the medical field...sorry, but you might as well kill me now, because there is no way I'm doing that. I have my reasons... They're mostly concerned with what makes the most money and what always has jobs open. Right now, I can't get a job to save my life since the economy is so bad. Anyway, I'm not doing something they want me to do just because they missed their chance in college...I should stop there before it gets too personal.
Next year I'll see if I can take a class dealing with computer graphics because that seems like something I'd like. I also want to take pre-cal since taking a 4th year of math classes looks good on college applications. I'll try to get into Spanish 3 just so my parents stop telling me, "You should've taken a third year of Spanish." Also, Spanish was a good class for me; I see nothing wrong with another year.
I just remembered, I was going to take this time to work on a scholarship! Well, I'd better get to work.

The Karate Kid & Jett Travolta

Last night, my youth group and I watched part of the original "Karate Kid" movie. We saw how the instructor (I can't spell his name) was teaching Daniel karate, but it was an unusual way of teaching. At first, he'd tell Daniel to wax his cars, paint his house and fence, and sand his floors. It's amazing that Daniel kept coming back, even though this didn't seem like karate. After the instructor came back from fishing while Daniel spent the day painting his house was the only time he lost his patience. This is when Daniel put his 'skills' to work; he saw that those techniques he used to do the household chores actually helped him to block- he knew karate! It just goes to show, you can learn the most important things in the most unusual places

Our youth group leader told us that God works like this; even though we can't see it, he actually teaches us something whether we know it or not. He also said life is like a hall of mirrors or those mazes you see made of bushes. It's hard to get through them because you don't know where you're going and you keep bumping into those things. It'd be easier to see it from the top, right? Well, God does, and that is how he helps us get through the maze or hall, i.e. life.

Onto another subject, I'm sure you've all heard that, days after the new year started, John Travolta's son, Jett, died of a fatal seizure while on vacation. It's tragic to lose a child at any time. However, the media has been quick to speculate if Jett's apparent kawasaki disease is the real reason behind this. People are already gossiping that he was autistic. It's one thing to start rumors like this when he is alive. But, come on, he just died. Have some respect. We shouldn't need to care about how he died. Can't we just say how tragic this is for the family and move on? Go easy on the family and don't start gossip about Jett; he just died for goodness sake!

Just another one of those nights

Right now it's about 7:45 at night on Jan. 1, but it feels like the night I had two nights ago. Let me explain.
I'm not a big fan of my basement. There really isn't much down there. Basically it's a laundry room, a bathroom, a TV no one really watches, an elliptical, and a treadmill. Usually basements are a lot bigger and have like big-screen TVs, a nice sofa, a big table, sometimes a pool table, etc.
However, a lot has happened down here for me. You see, half the time I come down there is when I'm very angry with my family. I've cried, vented, screamed, slammed things, and even panicked down there.
Well two nights ago, I was doing the laundry down there and I guess some stuff was coming back to me. One thing I remembered was Christmas when my mom yelled at me from the other side of the house about how I didn't do the laundry right. I didn't want that to ruin my holidays (if I did, I'd feel awful, which was the last thing I wanted on Christmas).
One remembrance led to another and I got so angry out of nowhere. I knew I felt angry by the way I was breathing and how I pretty much stormed upstairs to slam the laundry basket on my parents' bed. After I calmed down a bit, my whole body went numb and I felt dizzy. Then, of course, we had dinner together (sometimes my sisters and I will eat at the bar while my mom and stepdad eat on the other side of the living room on the couch; this time was at the table).
Tonight wasn't much different. Again, I felt angry (I was also listening to Three Days Grace, not my best idea), felt dizzy afterwards, and saw our table set up to have everyone eat together.
This happens before. Sometimes I get dizzy after I'm angry, but it hasn't happened in a while. Plus, this happened so randomly and kind of fast.
While I'm on the topic, there is a difference between mad and angry: Mad is in-the-moment, angry is about the past and almost bitter (not that it's always a bad kind of bitter).
So while it's January 1, it kind of feels like December 30.

Things I've figured out

Happy new year! Here are a few things I've realized in the past couple of months:

1. The difference between a hostess and a wife: One serves you wine, the other serves you whine
2. I can't focus on anything (and when I say anything, I mean anything)
3. If I were in college, I'd major in Whine
4. I don't care if people hate me for no reason because I hate them for no reason, too
5. I know some of the saddest people, yet I have the time of my life with them. It's the people with great lives that bore the heck out of me
6. I can't sit/stand still
7. I enjoy doing things I suck at (for example, sports)
8. I don't like talking on the phone. I lisp, I stutter, and I never sound interested. I'd rather text or go on AIM and risk getting carpal tunnel
9. Video games are stupid and sometimes pointless...and I can't get enough of them
10. I'm too girly to be a tomboy and too tomboyish to be girly
11. I'm like a nerd from an 80's sitcom: not really ugly, 1 or 2 close friends, does good in school, reads some sort of weird genre of literature, and will end up making a ton of money in their 30's (I look forward to it)
12. I always rush things. Even if I have 3 months to do something, I'll try to finish the whole thing before the week is over
13. I talk like people care what I say
14. Growing up, I didn't like people that didn't want kids or didn't know if they wanted kids, were way too hard on themselves, were arrogant, were picky about people they like, that complain a lot...then I grew up to be that person and my perspective changed
15. Reality shows bore me. I'll watch some of it, record the rest after the first commercial, then never see it again
16. My junior year of high school has made me an overachiever
17. I play pool like Scooby-Doo and Shaggy solve mysteries: I only do good on accident
18. I think I'm a perfectionist, so I wish everything I do could be a thousand times better
19. I read this somewhere:
The word "word" backwards is drow. "Drow are, on the whole, sadistic, arrogant, cruel, destructive, hedonistic, and treacherous. Their eternal game of advancement at the expense of others, which is encouraged by the spider goddess herself, has transformed the dark elves into a race of scheming backstabbers eager to increase their own stations by pulling down those ahead of them and crushing their inferiors underfoot"