2011 New Years Resolution

My resolution for last year was to learn how to cook....let's just say that didn't go very well.

But this year I have a better one that I may actually keep: Stop feeling so damn sorry for myself.

I'm a pretty self-deprecating person. I always beat myself up for every little thing I do. Whenever I mess up, I always make it seem like I just caused the end of the world. We all make mistakes, but I'm always way too hard on myself when I mess up.

Recently I learned (the hard way) that self-deprecation isn't a very attractive quality in a person. In fact, I think it's pretty pathetic and we should all have at least a little pride in ourselves. I'm not saying we should have an ego - I'm just saying that the whole "I hate myself" thing gets old...fast.

Nobody I know likes the fact that I'm so hard on myself. Honestly, it's starting to bug me as well. So this year, I'm going to try to stop beating myself up for everything and try to focus on more positive things about me. Over the past few months I've learned that people like me better (and I like myself better) when I'm happy and positive. In order to do this, I'm going to try to stop feeling so sorry for myself and realize I'm not a totally unlikable person.

Not sure what the point is with resolutions. For example, if your resolution is to drink more water and you're at a party in January and someone asks if you want a Bud Light, you might respond, "Oh, I can't, my resolution was to drink more water." You're never going to hear somebody in September say that. But it's still nice to have some kind of goal for yourself for the year.

You Know...

Sometimes I feel bad about the way I hurt you.
But then I remember all the ways you hurt me.

The lonely days.
The sleepless nights.
Crying until 2 in the morning.
Feeling like a lousy person just because you were having a bad day.
Feeling like the whole world was against me.
Never satisfied.
Always wondering if there was something better out there for me.
Knowing that there WAS something better out there for me.
Wasn't happy whenever I showed up to see you.
Wasn't happy after I saw you, either.
Feeling much happier with other friends than with you.
Constantly worrying about what you said and who you said it too.
Worrying how those people felt about me.
Feeling like my back was against the wall and everyone was against me.

Suddenly I don't feel so bad.