Don't Look Back

9-29-08

Don't look back
He'll see it in your eyes
How you long for his smile

Don't look back
You have just missed the chance
To give a passing glance

Don't look back
He'll find out for himself
How real it was you felt

Don't look back
Let him think you're alright
While you're crying inside

Don't look back
Don't let him see you sad
Don't show how you feel bad

Don't look back
He'll see you fall apart
He'll see your broken heart

Don't look back
And look into his eyes
Where you once thought truth lies

Don't look back
To all your past mistakes
Better you walk away

Monologue

First off, I know it's been a while but I'm going to post more blogs in the future. I hate using this excuse, but I've been a little busy.
That being said...
Yesterday I auditioned for a play at my school (later today I figure out if I made it). So in the spirit of the occasion, I thought I'd post a monologue I wrote myself a few months ago...

I've officially lost faith in all this crap they call love. [sarcastically] "Oh, I love you. Nothing can ruin this." Oh, please. Dad, is there such thing as "til death do us part?" I mean, face it; there are more divorces than marriages. Obviously our family knows that all too well. I just hope I never have to deal with that. Divorce, I mean. Like, it's too long, too complicated, a total waste of time. I mean, why can't we just say, "OK, we're through, take your stuff and leave." Done. That's it. But it's really all this lawyer and court nonsense. I don't want that. All I want is someone who is willing to stay with me forever, no matter what mood I'm in, no matter what problems I'm facing, no matter how I'm acting. Just someone who will love me no matter what. But at this point, I'm 99% positive that'll never happen.

Do not worry about tomorrow; tomorrow will take care of itself

World Peace

We're living in the year 2008, meaning we're aware by now that it's not that simple for all of us to hold hands and sing, "Kumbaya" or something gay like that. So what's with everyone preaching about world peace? I mean, we can't even keep peace on our streets, in our homes, in our families, in our schools. And you expect us to get along with each other?
Divorce rates are 52%. We hear about people getting abused or murdered. We look at a person and think, "Oh, I'm not going to like that person." Sometimes, when we do get to know them, we see that we have different personalities that we just can't click with. People have long-term fights over small things that won't matter in the long run.
But this doesn't mean that all hope is lost. At least we're aware of the way we are. We're aware that we can be judgmental and unfair. Some of us do something about it; others ignore it, saying, "I won't be like that when I'm older." These people never change their ways when they're older.
So what I'm trying to say is that, and I hate to say it, world peace at the moment is almost impossible. It's going to be a long time before that happens.

Everybody's Disappearing

From November last year

I’ve always been afraid of being in a big, empty, limitless room with absolutely nothing but white walls, kind of like in a movie. I found myself in that room I’m afraid of. The weird thing is, I’m not confused. I don’t care why I’m there, I don’t care how I got there.
At first there isn’t anyone in there. All of a sudden, I see my sister. I run up to her to greet her. She just stares at me. I brush my hand against her cheek but she turns away from me. A knife appears in her hand and she cuts her arm. I grab the knife, but then she and the knife suddenly disappear.
My brother shows up behind me. I grab to pick him up. He keeps the same smile on his face, but tears are running down his face. He tells me, "Mommy and Daddy don’t love me." He keeps his smile masked on his face. I try to hug him, but he is gone all of a sudden before I can embrace him.
My best friend taps me on the shoulder. She doesn’t look happy. I ask her what’s wrong. She yells at me, "You should know! Why do you even care?" She turns around and runs until she disappears from my sight.
I feel my mother’s embrace from behind me. I turn around and I can’t believe my eyes. There are bruises all over her body and you can tell she’s been bleeding. I try to grab her arm to comfort her, but she fades away.
My father appears next to me and kneels before me. He tells me, "Be strong, honey, be strong." He gets up and spreads his arms out, beckoning me to jump in his arms. I run to him and try to jump in his arms, but he disappears as well.
This is the only point where I wonder what is going on. Where is everyone going? Why is everyone leaving me on my own? All these people told me they loved me, and I loved them back. They’re just going to leave me behind? I realize now I’m in such a confusing place How can everyone disappear when I need them most?

The Sun Will Rise

This is from about a month ago

You really don't need this
You don't need to see
Your world falling apart
With no sympathy

The rain is pouring down
And the sun goes out
As we head toward the West
All we see are clouds

I wish I could take you
Away to the East
You'll finally see the sun
Rise for you and me

Would the things in the dark
Finally come to light?
Will this all go away?
Will we love our life?

I know one day you'll shine
Shine just like the sun
Can you smile for me?
It feels like Heaven

Run with me to the East
Where the sun will rise
No more grief, no more pain
And, yes, no more cries

Guilt takes over

This is from a few months ago...

Our literature class has been reading Macbeth. Some things this deals with include guilt, murder, relationships, all that good stuff. It's awesome! I don't think I've been so excited about Shakespeare lol

All that aside, I think I'm going to lose it if I hear one more thing about guilt. It seems like I hear things about tremendous guilt only when that's what I'm feeling. Like, if I feel really bad about one thing, I start feeling bad about smaller things, too. Like about a week or so ago, I felt bad when I didn't hear someone ask for a pencil. I know, it's ridiculous. Guilt seems to be the only thing I think about and every single thing reminds me about it.

A lot of us sometimes feel like guilt is overpowering us. I've always been hard on myself, so this shouldn't be much of a surprise. I started realizing what guilt can do to a person back in sophomore year. That's when I wrote this:
The Veronicas, one of my favorite bands, once asked, "What do you do when it all falls apart?" Well, I've realized something today: Guilt is a bitch. We've all been there; feeling bad about ourselves to the point where we just want to throw a rock at our reflection. While it's true that we should take responsibility for our actions, we can't be so hard on ourselves. When something goes wrong, you have to make it right. Moping about how horrible you are all day isn't gonna help anything. Everyone says good things come to those who wait; not true, I think good things come to those who take action. So what do you do when it all falls apart? You fix it.

No matter how far you go down the wrong road, you can always turn back

Let's see what happens

I just started this today. I've blogged on another site so I may start out by posting old ones from there. Honestly, I don't know anyone else who does this besides a few people on YouTube. This will probably consist of things I've written or opinions I feel need to be put out there.

And I just call myself satyrnxoxo because I thought it looked cool and I didn't want it to have anything to do with my real name. It's just a random thing I thought of.

Oh and I might end a lot of my blogs with a quote like this:

Whenever I'm right, no one remembers. Whenever I'm wrong, no one forgets.